PRESSURE TO HAVE KIDS WHEN YOU’RE THIRTY

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I’ve just turned 33, last week in fact. I don’t feel 33, more like 23, and I definitely didn’t feel 23 at 23 either! Alas, I’m a 1984 baby and I’m now a strong step into my thirties. For me I’m very happily married to the man of my dreams, I’m a homeowner, I have a great job and I now have my own dog (as of last week). But I’m now getting the non-stop questions about kids and adding those little people additions to our family, however, it’s having the opposite effect and pushing me away from the idea of it altogether. Why should I have to start having babies now I’m in my thirties?

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I love kids, I really do, I have nieces and nephews that I adore and I love being an auntie. I actually always wanted to become a nursery nurse at 16, I saw my future helping look after children on a daily basis. Ambition rose by my 18th and I set out to work in the music industry instead. However, I worked at summer camps organising children’s activities every summer during university.  They have always been a big part of happiness in my life in some way shape or form. So I’ve always liked the idea of having children, and once upon a time I’d tell people I’d wanted to be married by 27, (happened age 30) and with children by my 30th… well that didn’t happen. And it doesn’t matter to me, but people telling me I’m now at the age to be starting a family is quite frankly doing my head in.

 

After my 1st year wedding anniversary, people began to quiz me about children. It happened a small amount after the wedding but has escalated in the past year. Apparently early thirties is the age of children, according to modern society – or is it actually modern society? Is it just the way it was? I feel this unnecessary pressure on a daily basis to get all my ducks in a row and pop out a family, when really I shouldn’t be worrying at all. I should just be enjoying the time with my husband and our dog, and what will be will be… whenever it happens! Why should it be now? Why not a little laterWhy evenen at all? I don’t need to have children to ‘complete’ my family or my life, I’m happy with my life as it is right now, however if down the line we become blessed with a child, then fantastic, but having children isn’t all my life should be focusing on. Whether I have children or not should not define me as a person. I’m still just as worthy as the next person.

 

Women in their 30’s are faced with this ridiculous pressure and it is horrible. I get annoyed because why should everywhere I turn, I be pressured into extending my family? Like I say, I do want children. At some point. Yes, there are risks as you get older – fully aware of that, and yes, heard that when you get to 35 your skin loses elasticity… but we’re all living so much longer now. This 1950’s mentality of marriage then a litter of children, then become housewife mama is not always the case. Some folk, it totally works for and that is great if it does, but I feel like I want to do more first and get myself financially stable and my career in a more comfortable position. The last thing I ever want to do is resent a child for not doing something I wanted to and can’t because I have them.

 

I know I won’t be able to do everything before I have children and of course when they do arrive, they’ll simply be written into their addition of the life adventures with me, but right now I’m loving my life as it is. I know there is never a ‘right’ time to have children, but for me I’m not there yet, I am totally okay with that but other people need to realise, just because I’m now married and in my thirties I don’t suddenly need an entourage of ducklings behind me, they’ll be loved just as much as if I  had them closer to 40. I’m just as much of a woman as the next, regardless of who has kids.

 

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7 Comments

  1. September 19, 2017 / 2:59 pm

    YESSSSSSSSSSSSS to this! With you all the way on this, I'm 31.

    • September 19, 2017 / 3:35 pm

      If it happens it happens, but feeling pressure of non stop questions can be hard.

  2. September 19, 2017 / 3:32 pm

    Totally your choice! As someone who had fertility problems though and treatment, I'm glad I myself didn't wait any longer – I would have been in serious trouble. It was already several years of huge heartache…

    • September 19, 2017 / 3:37 pm

      Exactly. And with you on that. I have pcos so I know I am a bit on the clock, but the none stop questions don't help. Just makes me more anxious without being reminded so often – if that makes sense. I won't be waiting too long.

  3. September 20, 2017 / 2:30 pm

    Yes, other people actually asking you about it is just rude. I used to point blank reply to questions about babies with "I'm reproductively challenged." That usually shut them up.

  4. September 23, 2017 / 11:03 am

    I mean I'm not at that stage yet of being asked, being 24, but I hate seeing/hearing it. You never know the person's situation, and you know, maybe they are trying for babies but having problems. Maybe they just don't want children at all. No one's business except the person themselves, and it's just such a rude and interfering question.

  5. September 23, 2017 / 6:20 pm

    I love your point on here about being just as worthy as every other woman. We've been trying for 3 years and had fertility treatment to finally make my body ovulate. I've had 2 miscarriages in 9 months now and since 2014 when we started trying, it's what we wanted – we thought we wanted a baby to 'complete' our lives. Since the second miscarriage, we've decided enough is enough and neither of us could face a third so have completely stopped trying. We have made a conscious decision that we will never have a live child. Thank you for posting about this subject – people need to realise it's rarely an actual 'choice' if you get to have a child.

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